...is not jobs flooding into Mexico after NAFTA, despite Ross Perot's fiery speech. It is the sound of exasperation and fatigue from this particular cancer-boy. I am just past my 10th of twelve treatments (six before surgery, and six after), and it is not getting any easier. Between the chemo and the side-effect management drugs, I have been mostly horizontal for the past 72 hours. I am achy, sleepy, and generally tired. Last night, I was reminded of how I am not all that good with stuff beyond my control - which leads to me trying to control 'something' - and that is also a hard place for me to be. So both physically and mentally, I am not feeling good. Cancer still sucks.
So, only two more treatments! Suck it up. Easier to say than to do. I lament my inability to sleep, that I am cold during the hottest days of the year in Oregon, and that I am too weak to be of much use at home or at work. Two more of these weeks, and we will be on the upswing again. I sure hope so.
I am grateful for all the support I receive daily. My family and I are luckier than many. But today I am tired of feeling lousy, and that is that.
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9 comments:
Ross Perot... first thing that came to mind when I saw that. Too funny. Keep on kicking this crap... you're one step closer to finishing this thing off with every minute that goes by. You are truly inspirational.
Take care my friend and I wish you a better day tomorrow!
Somehow I'd forgotten that you had 6 chemos before your surgery. No wonder it seems like it's been a million years of battle. Give yourself a break. It's ok to be tired. Have a good cry and be sad for a minute. I recently heard someone say that tears cleanse the soul... namaste, Kay
Hi Ed- I stared reading your blog some while back (through Brigita) and recently came across it again (thanks for the link!). Anyways, I just want to say hello and wish you the best of luck with your treatments.
Eileen - If you are the author of Divine Comedy of Errors, and I think that you are, I.LOVE.YOUR.BLOG! Thank you for the hello and well-wishes. I have lived vicariously and laughed aloud at your amazing adventures. I would be a blog lurker, since you don't know me from Leonardo daVinci, and I rarely comment. I kinda miss Brigita's blog, but know how one needs to move on - unfortunately I needed a return visit to chemo-hell. Ah well, namaste to you.
Ed
Thanks, Kay and Andy! Time has elapsed and I feel a bit better today. Now if only the Willamette Bearcats could win a game!
Hi, Ed, I love reading your posts on Facebook and I feel like I know you so well. You truly are an inspiration, even on your down days. Life is not easy but you are doing a great job of navigating the rough parts. We love you and are sending good vibes and energy your way.
Meredith, not Matt actually sent the previous post, but he was signed in.
Love you, Ed.
Meredith Arabas
Once again I was witness to your rise from the ashes.
Last night at a performance of Brigadoon you were schmoozing with friends in the audience and catching up with cast members from your stage debut in Fiddler. Great to see that every time they flatten you with chemicals you re-emerge as the caffeinated Ed we know and love.
Ed, sending you positive thoughts and wishes for many blessings on you journey. PN
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