The on-going, first-hand tale of a journey through medical oncology... and what happens after.

Friday, June 15, 2007

Small worlds

Finally, some time to write down some thoughts. All week long, I have intended to add to the blog, and all week long I have managed to run out of time (in the mornings, while rushing around getting breakfast and lunch ready before I head out the door to catch the bus to work) or energy (in the evenings, after I have put in a solid day's work for the good citizens of our fine state). And I really appreciate the feedback in the comments area and via email. I like to think that I can feel the positive energy of folks reading my words, but the truth is that I don't really know how many people choose to look at this thing. And that's OK too.

I have been thinking, though, of the scale of things in life. Like what constitutes a "big deal" as opposed to a trivial thing. Like how biochemical activity throughout my newly-skinny body can wipe out my energy without so much as a "by your leave." Like the way friends can re-energize that fatigued spirit with a simple card or a kind word. And how I am not the only person that is suffering through a difficult period in life, and that I am lucky to be who I am and where I am.

As of the last blog entry, I had had a good Monday back at work, and had had a great lunch date with a friend. Well, my energy and demeanor continued to improve each day, and my appetite returned with a vengeance. I have been feeling more and more recovered each day, and feel like I am beginning to understand how the treatment weeks will work... On the Monday of treatment week, I will start a daily dose of Prilosec OTC first thing each morning to prepare my stomach for the assault of stomach acid production/heartburn that either the chemo- or anti-emetics will encourage. On either Tuesday or Wednesday, I will also add to that a Dulcolax (stool softener/stimulant) in anticipation of the constipatory effect of the anti-emetics. Then, on Wednesday, it's off to the clinic for my dose of toxin soup. This time, I will not wait so long to encourage the functioning of a bowel that I once took so for granted. When you can't go, your world shrinks to a path from wherever you are to a commode, where you sit and hope and... well, concentrate REALLY hard (if you know what I mean)... And I will try to figure out if there is a reason for the assertive hiccups that attached themselves to my diaphragm on Thursday, Friday and Saturday last time.

I have learned that the elevator is my friend. :) As I now have a cubicle on the fourth floor of an office building, I thought that I would take the stairs for the exercise, and that this would help to strengthen my legs and torso as I recover from surgery. I also thought I would walk to work from our home, a distance of about a mile, listening to my iPod and relaxing into the day. The bus is now my friend too. I have simplified those aspects of my world in order to conserve energy for work, and for spending time with my family after work. Though a tiny aspect of my former exercise-world, these changes have made my walking-space smaller, but I value the time with my family and now have a larger social world where I see different people on the bus and elevator. And this particular "small-ness" is short-lived.

I will try to post to the blog at least weekly. Thanks for reading it!

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