The on-going, first-hand tale of a journey through medical oncology... and what happens after.

Friday, March 18, 2011

Disconnect-Ed

Another bi-weekly infusion of tumor-destroying chemical cocktail has officially ended. For reasons that befuddle and perplex me, this time through was less predictably crappy... but then I have not given my body enough time to realize it is no longer "under the pump" either.

It was a furlough day for me today - which means I am not supposed to think about work (since I am not being paid, even though I am a salaried employee, and am officially on an hourly non-wage today). So I took advantage of the unpaid free time to have a marvelous late breakfast of corn-meal pancakes, cooked and served by my staunch supporter Alison. I then met some friends for a hearty discussion of all-that-is-possible in our world, followed by a movie-date with my wife - The Adjustment Bureau starring Matt Damon and Emily Blunt. Then I walked to the hospital to get my pump disconnected from my port and discuss all things dry skin.

The movie is based on a Philip K. Dick novel, and it weakly confronts the notions of free will and determinism. There are a lot of mysterious "hat men" that slightly adjust events to get the world (which clearly cannot take care of itself) to work according to the "Chairman's" master plan. I am sorry, and I loved the acting, but I cannot abide by this cop-out. The premise would have us believe that coincidences are often less-that-that, and that some group of do-gooders (all men in the movie) are taking care of things. Maybe we should just kick-back and enjoy the ride... I cannot imagine being more disconnected than that.

Don't get me wrong. I know it's a story. I know it's fantastical. And anyone who knows me knows that I LOVE fantasy and science fiction. It's just that this one struck a chord with me today. I do not want to feel disconnected. I want to feel like my decisions are mine, and that they make a difference somehow (or someday). You know?

1 comment:

CalamityJayne said...

As an uber control freak, I whole heartedly agree. ;) Glad this round didn't seem to be as awful this week.