I am unabashedly swiping a theme from a fellow blogger - Jeanne Sather - and companion on the chemically-assisted cancer trail. If you want to see her post on this, look here (http://assertivecancerpatient.com/2011/08/a-word-game-candle-candles-.html).
As you know, I have been struggling with my feelings about cancer and its treatment lately, and the image of a candle in the wind is perfect. I am not referring to the idea that a life might end too soon, like the wonderful tribute created by Bernie Taupin (and sung by Elton John) to Norma Jeane Mortenson (Marilyn Monroe). I am seeing a flame, wavering back and forth, sometimes so close to being out that it is almost dark, sometimes flaming large and bright. A small flame, softly pushed to and fro by a breeze, working past the pool of wax surrounding it, finding fuel in odd places, burning firmly but tossed here and there.
My current experience of chemotherapy is like that - wavering, dimming, flaming - rarely feeling steady and warm. I struggle to sleep, to eat, to not be king of crankyland. I fail and triumph each day. My energy and focus flags at odd times, and I have a memory like Swiss cheese. I recover every couple of weeks, only to intentionally slam myself down again. Though I am honored and lucky to have so many people near and far sending my their energy and love, my flame often burns low.
Only three more treatments. Seems short enough and impossible at the same time.